What it Takes to be a Man

What it Takes to be a Man

Yogesh Snehi
The Tribune, Sunday, August 11, 2002
Chandigarh, India

WHAT does it take to be a man? If someone asks me this question, my answer will be "everything." This may sound cynical to many who perceive the question of being male or female from clearly lined social parameters. These gender norms, which have been ingrained in the social attitudes, cater to the stringent patriarchal formulations. Interestingly gender as an academic field emerged only since 1970s.

I seek to question gender norms from the point of view of identity. This question has been central to me since my early days of childhood. The development of my identity here is contrary to what is generally (believed to be naturally) thought to be standard. Thanks to my parents who have never guided me in the light of social stereotypes, I had the right to cry and have an emotional outburst until the end of my teens. Never had I been tagged "girlish" by my parents. This is one of the most important dimensions to my experiments in realising my identity. Thus the notion that ‘men don’t cry’ does not fit on me.

This approach to myself has indeed helped me a lot in understanding the question of gender better. Long before I was initiated into hostel life, my mother had trained me in every such activity which was considered to be the privilege of only girls; cooking, nurturing, washing, cleaning etc. This was important during those days because when I interacted with my fellow students in the hostel, I found these traits more or less absent in them.

Naturally, this opened a pandora’s box of questions regarding ‘my identity.’ Those initial years were very painful as I found myself an odd man out. The characteristics which my peers considered necessary to constitute their identities—aggression, rude and bullying demeanour—were missing from my personality. I did not conform to the socially acceptable standards of what ‘being a man’ meant. My soft tone and feeble physique added to my woes.

This question of gender was not settled until I was initiated into the subject of gender relations in my postgraduation. I strongly feel that the outline society tends to create in order to regulate the affairs of human beings does no good to their development as human beings. I find men and women pondering over the question of their identities until they die.

It was not until the 1970s that women came forward in sports. Earlier this was only the prerogative of men. Even today ‘work’ at home and outside is divided strictly on gender lines, that is, men’s work and women’s work.

I feel that questioning of gender is important to ensure equity and equality. Education, financial security and work participation have emerged as important tools to ensure empowerment of women, which in turn ensures opportunities in the social sphere. There is hardly any sphere in which women can not contribute.

The losers are only a majority of those men who have not been able to come out of their cocoons and the traditional gender bifurcation still rules their mind.