Love, Caste-conformism and Marriages

Love, Caste-conformism and Marriages

Yogesh Snehi

November 2004 was a month of marriages. Delhi had fourteen thousand marriages on one single day. These must have brought love and luck. Arranged marriages are not new and neither are love marriages. The compromises made on the account of marriage remain the same. Marketisation might have changed the equations of customs and traditions but the issue of caste remains the same. It is this caste which keeps on reincarnating each time.

I had heard that marriages are arranged in heaven and Pundits foretell them. I had also heard that love is in the air and marriage binds it. However, what is new these days is that love too is fixed by caste. I thought love was a matter of two souls. However, love too is based on caste equations. Love can be a matter of choice but caste cannot be. Caste has to be the determining factor. There are very few rebels. These days Haryana is in the news for love marriages. Though the media’s flare and the growing obsession for news items cannot be ruled out, yet the issues brought forth are bold expressions of dissent with the social norms and hegemonic behaviour created by caste. These are rare but undoubtedly bold expressions against these norms.

Researchers have argued that Punjab and Haryana have been devoid of the brahmanic purity. But, what about caste purity? Here caste is purer than the ritual purity of Hinduism and it manifests itself in everyday lives of the people. Caste violence is much more marked in this region than religious violence. Thanks to the Khap panchayats and their contribution in creating immense nuisance. In fact, the very word ‘khap’ has become a synonym of the Punjabi word khap or ‘nuisance’.

I find the fixation with caste more lethal than the racial obsession of Nazis. Khaps have become influential to the extent that they are not just inventing the virtual social boycott of the couples involved in these marriages and the entire community, but also forcing their expulsion and confinement outside the villages. One can only be reminded of the erstwhile Germany and its antagonism for the Jews and the concentration camps on the outskirts for isolating them.

The situation has become gross to the extent that the couples involved in such marriages are being brutally murdered to avenge the alleged disgrace brought to the community by them. They were chased, beaten and lynched ‘in the name of honour’. In January 2004, All India Democratic Women’s Association (AIDWA) reported twenty-three such cases of murders and 35 cases of missing couples. Most of such cases have been reported from Punjab and Haryana.

Despite all the media flare up and the noise made by AIDWA, the situation does not seem to be leading to any structural changes. Very few organisations are questioning these norms. The matrimonial columns of the newspapers are suffering from ‘columnary caste fixation’. The neat list of matrimonial proposals has now found new NRI avatars who are even more infatuated with caste-equations.

In such a situation, we can only imagine some serious changes that will affect the notions of love. Boys and girls would perhaps be on a look out for a partner of caste affinity. Falling in love will only be followed by caste confirmation. Thus, we can forecast the emergence of a new phraseology of ‘caste-conformism’ in love. The old equation of ‘I love you’ will perhaps be replaced by ‘I wish to love you, after confirming your caste’.

The repercussions of the controversy rose by the media on the events at Asanda village in Jhajjar, where a married couple who was about to become parents was asked to accept each other as brother and sister, will have long-term implications. Khap panchayats have become a public nuisance since they are undeterred even by the order of the High court. Ravinder Kaur provides an interesting explanation to these developments. She says ‘where traditional hierarchies are upset by economic changes, the battle is being fought in the private domain’.

In this situation when the social norms have not been able to keep pace with the fast changing world, we can only see things getting worse. Caste can only restrict the domains of our thought. It fragments our everyday reality. It dissects human values and mutilates human existence. Love cannot have place for caste and caste will never allow love to flourish. Caste needs to be countered. It needs to be uprooted from our daily lives and behaviour.

11 February 2005